Feeling Cut by Words? Do This!
Introduction
The ‘word’ really is deadlier than sword! Words can be truly cutting, So, what’s the alternative to just bleeding out? A weaponised tongue can leave us feeling isolated, ignored, struck down, or minimised.
We might recognise that it says more about them than it does about us, but that is cold comfort. So, what do we do? Maya Angelou hit the nail on the head when she said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
In this article we are going to look at what lies behind verbal bullying, why we might be susceptible, and practical ways we can help ourselves. SPOILER ALERT- self-care is the key!
Psychology of People Who Bully With Words
I’ve noticed that when some people in my world behave badly, they go on to place the blame squarely on me! Bullies who use words to attack and intimidate others often exhibit a distinct psychological profile:
1. Lack of prosocial behaviour:
Word bullies tend to be untroubled by anxiety and are unlikely to understand others’ feelings.
2. Misread intentions:
Word bullies often transfer hostility in neutral situations, which can lead them to perceive threats where none exist.
3. Fragile ego:
Word bullies may have inflated but fragile egos, which can lead them to become easily offended by criticisms or lack of deference from others.
4. Jealousy and insecurity:
Word bullies may act out of jealousy or because they’ve been bullied in the past.
5. Lack of social skills:
Word bullies can struggle with social skills, like communication, empathy, and conflict resolution.
Understanding this can help us combat bullying. I know I have gained the insight that help me counteract the heaviest blows, because I’m better at seeing what’s coming. We’re going review some valuable techniques to look after ourselves later.
Why Do Word Bullies Behave This Way?
So why do word bullies behave as they do? Let’s take a look at the reasons why people act in this way:
1. Power and Control:
Word bullies can use words to assert dominance and control. Often to compensate for their own low self-esteem.
2. To Mask Pain:
Word bullies can use hurtful words to distract from their own emotional pain, anxiety, or trauma, they us it as a coping mechanism.
3. To Fit In:
Some individuals are verbally bullying to gain social status or acceptance. They feel the pressure to conform and give into it.
4. To Cope With Stress:
Verbal bullies may use words to release pent-up emotions, such as anger, frustration, or boredom.
5. To Mask Insecurity:
Word bullies may be hiding their own insecurities, like fear of being rejected, unimportance, or powerlessness.
6. Attention Seeking:
Verbal bullies may be trying to get attention, to feel seen or heard.
7. Asserting Dominance:
Word bullies target individuals they perceive as weaker or more vulnerable to assert themselves.
These are not excuses for bullying behaviour, but understanding why word bullies behave this way can be a strength. I have found that if I understand what a bully is trying to achieve, I am better able to disappoint them!
Psychology of Being Vulnerable to Verbal Bullying
Those of us who are more vulnerable to being bullied by words often share certain psychological characteristics. For example:
1. Low Self-Esteem:
Those of us with low self-esteem can be more likely to internalise negative comments and believe them.
2. Social Anxiety:
If we have social anxiety, we are more likely to feel anxious or uncomfortable in social situations, and so more vulnerable to word bullying.
3. Fear of Rejection:
If we fear rejection we can be more needy for social acceptance and therefore more willing to tolerate abusive behaviour to fit in.
4. Low Assertiveness:
If we lack assertive skills, we are more likely to be bullied, as we are less likely to stand up for ourselves, express our needs or set boundaries.
5. Past Trauma:
If we have previously experienced abuse or neglect, our coping mechanisms likely involve avoiding conflict or seeking approval.
6. Social Isolation:
If we are socially isolated can be more vulnerable as we lack a support network to turn to for help or guidance.
7. Poor Critical Thinking Skills:
If we lack problem-solving skills, we are unable to effectively deal with conflicts or difficult situations.
8. Fear of Confrontation:
If we fear confrontation we may avoid standing up for ourselves or expressing our needs and boundaries.
9. Insecurity and Self-Doubt:
If we are insecure and self-doubting we are likely to internalise negative comments and believe that we are indeed inadequate or unworthy.
We can use our understanding here to build our resilience and to develop strategies for preventing and responding to hurtful behaviour.
For example, I have worked with tools such as journaling, affirmations and hypnotherapy to strengthen my weak spots. Next, we’re going to check out some practices to take care of ourselves.
Practical Self-Care Tips
When we’ve been wounded by words it’s essential to prioritise self-care to cope with the emotional trauma and build resilience. These are some practical tips that can really help:
1. Practice Self-Care With Affirmations:
Repeating positive affirmations daily, helps to reprogram our subconscious mind and practice self-compassion.
2. Express Somatically:
Allow trauma to be expressed in a physical way, like through art, helps us to reconnect with our body and emotions.
3. Don't React:
Ignore the offender and walk away. Behaving as if you don’t notice and don’t care can be an effective of depriving the bully of a reaction.
4. Seek Support:
Talk to a trusted friend, family member or therapist, sharing with the right person can bring huge relief.
5. Develop a Growth Mindset:
Focusing on our strengths and celebrating our successes help to raise awareness of our value.
6. Take Care of Physical Health:
Regular exercise, eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep- all contribute to improving our mental well-being and resilience.
7. Practice Mindfulness:
Focus on the present moment. This helps us to stay grounded and centred.
8. Remove Toxic People:
Sometimes we need to remove people from our life and make space for better company!
9. Set Boundaries:
Be clear and specific about what is acceptable and assertively communicate this to others.
I have found that taking small regular steps to build myself up has strengthened me over time. Personally, I like to use a combination of steps, and to shake things up from time to time!
The main thing to remember is that we ALL deserve to be treated with respect. Take care of yourself, it's NECESSARY. You deserve your love. Take self-care steps TODAY!
TRY THIS EXERCISE: CLICK HERE
